Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
