I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
