it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
