you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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