God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will pee on everything he values.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
