cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
