wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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