Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize