remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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