i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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