Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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