You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
