Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't make out with my wife yet
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
