They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize