Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
