Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
