Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
