Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize