And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
