I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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