You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
