god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
