i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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