im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
