Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
