I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize