i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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