I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
