Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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