Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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