I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
