I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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