I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
