why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
