Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
