you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
