I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was born a porn star she said
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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