I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
