Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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