I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
only if we run a train.
done.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
