it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
