I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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