***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My feet surprised me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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