i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
