when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
