the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
