who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
