I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
