i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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