it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who died my cat blue again?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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