Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
