too bad you live with your parents still
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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