I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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