Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
