I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
