It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
