I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
