we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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