I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
