The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
