The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm experimenting with sincerity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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