How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
