You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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