Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
