You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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