Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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