Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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