Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
