i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
