woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize