I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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